I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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