It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
