So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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