they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize