Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
