I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
