my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
