singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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