I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
