yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
