I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
