You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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