Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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