My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
