I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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