so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
