My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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