im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
