How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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