he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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