dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
