its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
