Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
