As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
