I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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