im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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