Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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