Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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