Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
