How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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