I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
