In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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