i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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