6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
