It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
