pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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