i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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