You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
