Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
