My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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