Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
