Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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