batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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