I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
