he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
