I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
