Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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