there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
