She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
