____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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