we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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