so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
