i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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