Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
