If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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