Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
