There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
