Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
