i dedicated my morning wood to you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
