I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
