i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
