So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
