did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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