Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
