I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
