every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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