I want to stick my p in your. b.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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