i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
