I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
