My friends, they love my intelligence
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
